I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
