Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
