I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
