You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize