I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize