He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
