I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
