He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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