The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
