come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
