You smell like stripper and shame
ugly people sure do ruin things
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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