Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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