I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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