dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dignity is for republicans.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
