I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
