Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
