the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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