lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
