He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
