I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
