so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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