if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Panties = found
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize