If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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