I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
