I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
