my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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