My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
