So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
