He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
