Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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