you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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