I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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