Jerry, you need to find god
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
