I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
