And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize