i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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