A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
