Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
