I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All the doctor said was why
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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