btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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