I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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