it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
