i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize