he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
