If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
