I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
