under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
