K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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