he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
