i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
