I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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