I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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