I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
