I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
