The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
