I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
