I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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