Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize